It's amazing to think that a year and a half ago all I wanted in the world was another beautiful baby. I don't know about you, but I seemed to have forgotten how incredibly awful growing and carrying a baby is. Seriously, it sucks! This kid is having a grand time flipping between head down and breech. Its driving me crazy and worse than that, it's making me fear another c-section...
I had a c-section with my girls 3 years ago. The surgery itself was not bad, but my total experience was. Although perfectly fine, they took them before I could see them (I saw a glimpse of Lilly) and pumped me with Morphine, which I do not tolerate well, and wheeled me back to recovery for 2 hours before they brought them to me, bathed and stomachs full of formula. NOT what I had wanted. And although I believe God has a purpose for everything, I know the reason I had a scheduled c-section at 37 weeks was because my doctor was going on vacation.
Sadly this happens too often. I was determined to have a different experience this time! I have been praying to my good Father, with all that I have, for a natural vaginal birth.
But this baby being breech for the last few weeks has turned me into someone completely ungrateful and, dare I say, physco. My poor husband has had to put up with my mood swings and near daily breakdowns over the situation. I have been constantly Google-ing positions, stretches and techniques to turn this baby. I have spent hours upside down. I have tried everything.
What was revealed to me was I was taking something inherently good (exercises and stretches) and turning them into something bad by obsessing over them. I was not relying on God and his grace and power to move inside my body, although my words would say otherwise. Because, if the baby flipped after I did an inversion would I not praise the move for turning my baby? And while I would praise the Lord as well, if anyone asked me how to turn a baby my first answer would be to do the inversion. Not ask the Lord.
One thing that is beautiful (although maddening) about God is his timing. His time table is different than ours. He wants to wait till there is no other way for healing to happen. That when it DOES happen, he and only he could be responsible.
Breakthrough is coming and it is not when our problems are resolved, but when we experience a heavenly reality. When we understand that God's timing is perfect, when we seek the one who breaks through instead of seeking the breakthrough.
Breakthrough was what I needed. I have had my hands clenched tight on what I want out of this pregnancy and labor. And the truth is, if my hands are closed how can I receive anything? So here we are... hands open... heart poured out to my Father who knows his plans for me, plans for good!
So I made the decision to stop everything except prayer; and guess what? The baby flipped! Without any of my own efforts... just those of The One who loves me most.
Here is a little something that I made to help me in labor, I hope it will help you too! It's best printed on card stock (and even laminated), and would make a GREAT gift for an expecting mother! Click here for the free printable!
Have fun pushing!